The German in me has come out: Die Frau (translation: The Lady) will post her ramblings, thoughts, and gripes so she won't drive her loving man, supportive family, or amazing friends screaming into the night.
It is indeed the first day of summer, the longest technical day of the year in terms of sunshine.
It also figuratively feels like the longest damned day ever. No contractions. No back pain. No water breakage. No NOTHING. I'm only four days overdue, and I don't know how women don't go on total hormonal rampages when they're late. Seriously, Scarlet, how did you manage to survive nine extra days? Meanwhile, one of my dear childhood friends who was due three weeks after me just gave birth to a healthy baby girl yesterday. I do see the cons in this: They didn't have a bag packed, figured they had more time, etc. But ohhhh...a tiny bit of jealousy reared its ugly head.
I've tried all the tricks. I've walked. I've eaten spicy food. I had a beer. I did other things. The only thing I haven't done is eat eggplant--clearly my lack of eggplant is holding things back.
He is moving around maddeningly inside, as if to say, "Ha ha, Mommy, I am so comfy and I just want to remind you that I am still here!" Yes, I know that I am incredibly fortunate to even be pregnant, and as of tomorrow I'll be induced, so by the weekend I will have him in my arms and be exhausted and happy.
But I'm hormonal and hot and uncomfortable, and the magic of pregnancy is gone.
OK, so a few posts ago I titled it "beginnings", and now I have both. This baby is imminent (and I really hope the next time I post it will be me looking exhausted and weepy with a teeny tiny, wrinkly, gorgeous little bean in my arms)--not quite as imminent as I'd like, considering he hasn't dropped enough yet. However, I plan to eat spicy food and have a beer on Friday and hope for the best. I'd love for T to have a true Father's Day if possible, so please send good "come into the world" vibes for him.
Meanwhile, I'm trying to get everything in place. I just finished up the last of my major grading last week and I've got lovely colleagues helping finish my exams for me. I've cooked up and frozen a few meals (although I probably should do more!) for us to defrost when I'm so tired I can't see straight. We've been working like mad people to get the room and the house ready: My mom and sister have come over numerous times to help clean and re-organize, and the baby's room now looks ready, don't you think?:
The organized closet is all my mom and sister M (Toddler Tamer, recognize the bathrobe?)
Mom and M also re-arranged the clothing drawers.
AND, T finally got the opportunity to get the dining room painted--doesn't it look awesome? As he said, it's Big Kids. It looks like a totally different place. I also love the Pack-n-Play in the middle of things. We picked the color partly because we loved it and partly because we could not pass up the name: LaFonda Green. Not kidding. How can you not paint your dining room LaFonda Green?
(a little Napoleon Dynamite reference)
After (we haven't put the art back up yet)
T also rearranged our bedroom--all he did was angle the bed, and it changes the whole room: We've unblocked the window and just given this whole new dimension of space. Obviously Penny likes it.
I also realized I better get you one more picture of me, so it's not great, but here I am, right before baby J comes. My dear friend D, a great photographer, took some genuine lovely pregnancy shots (no, I did not go au naturel), but I don't have them yet, so this will have to do:
He just has to drop a leeetle more.
So that's the latest wrap-up with us. Hopefully we'll have some news soon!
...and for T for hauling half an hour each way (to Lockport, for those who know it) to get this bookshelf for the baby's room. Nice, huh? The guy's grandfather made it by hand and we got it for a SONG. All it needs is a little scratch hider and some wood finish to spruce it up.
Yesterday, we were at my father-in-law's for dinner and as he and T talked about a difficult day T had had at work, he said something rather insightful and brilliant: It was something to the effect that worrying has no point to it; rather, it should serve as a reminder that you need to do something about it. Not only that, it should remind you that you've dealt with things before and handled them. It really struck both T and me.
I thought about it last night as I prepared for my interview today--the fifth (really, the sixth--I had one two years before I got the job) for my same position in the same school as a long-term sub yet again. In previous years, I've fretted and over-prepared and gotten flustered. I've always managed to get the job, but I always worried. This year, I went into it knowing damn well that I'm a good teacher and that I've proved that repeatedly over the past four years I've been there. A part of me walked in figuring, if they don't know that by now, I simply don't know what else I can do to show it because I've done so every day. (Another part of me totally wanted to have a Morgan Freeman in The Shawshank Redemption moment and tell them all of that plus say, "Do what you want; I don't give a shit." I didn't, but I felt rather tempted....)
So I went in, I answered their questions to the best of my ability, and when the principal asked me why I should be chosen for one of the three spots, I looked him straight in the eye and told him "Because I've earned it," and I went through the reasons why I believed that. I didn't mince words and I didn't pander. This time, I didn't worry about it so damned much; I did something about it instead.
I've got a baby on the way, imminently. With the job tenuousness, I have been concerned about the fact that if he's late, my health insurance runs out at the end of the month. So I could panic...or make sure I'm induced by a certain date. I can do something about it instead of worrying about it. It kind of links up with another gem I heard lately: It takes more effort to procrastinate than to actually get the thing done.
I hope this is something you can take and use for yourselves--and remind me about doing instead of worrying when I forget myself. I know I am capable because, without bragging, I've proved it over and over again. So have you. Think about it.