odd and ends

Whoa, so it's been longer than I thought. Every time I go to update, I feel I should do something else, so I don't, but here I am, rectifying my wrongs, I tell you.

Last night T and I celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary. We did so by going to an engagement party for my sister, E (nicknamed C, so I'll refer to her as such) and her fiance, J, and a delicious dinner with my family and family friends. At first I admit I felt a little wary of spending our anniversary focusing on someone else, but then I got out of my own head and realized how special it was to celebrate five years of our marriage by watching my dear sister and future BIL embark on their own, remembering where we were and how we felt, as well as what we've done in such a short span of time. Plus I (just) managed to fit into the dress I wore at our engagement party, so that gave me a great feeling of accomplishment. What made the evening even more notable was that the hosts held the event at the same place T and I had our wedding reception, so we had a lovely time reminiscing, and many of the guests last night also attended our wedding, so the whole night had a real full-circle feel to it.

Recently I listened to Jason Segel talk about his new movie, The Five-Year Engagement, and he made a surprisingly thoughtful point: When people say "I do", too many say it to a moment, not a life. They don't think of all the difficult times they'll go through, the vicissitudes that make up a marriage. I suppose I knew, to some extent, that marriage wouldn't be all rainbows and happy times, but any relationship between two people that is meant to last, legally bound or not, means volumes of work. Anyone who claims a good relationship means you don't have to work at it, I must disagree. But the couple has to work together toward the same end. We do that, and some days, we find it extremely difficult. Yet we know we want a life together, so we plug away, and we talk, and we argue, and we compromise, and here we are, five years later, looking to see what the next fifty-five will bring.

What do you all find has helped you the most in your relationship with your significant other? What's made it work so far?

Oh yeah, I have a blog (and happy belated Valentine's Day)

See, I'm trying to concentrate more on getting my work done during the week so I can relax on weekends, so I don't blog a lot during the week. Then I relax on the weekends, and I forget to blog.

However, this week I'm on break, so in between studying for my upcoming certification exam and getting a super fun, 24-hour stomach bug yesterday that had me eating nothing but white rice and feeling wretched on the couch, I thought I'd get some blogging done. I am feeling much better, thank you.

This past weekend we celebrated Valentine's Day by going away for the night to the same B&B that T took me to when we got engaged. We haven't been there since, so considering that was almost four years ago, I took it upon myself to book the room again. Such a nice little place, and it was only 40 minutes away in Lewiston (about as close as you can get to Canada without crossing the border), an historic little town with lots of charm and wineries nearby. Perfect. Plus this time T wasn't incredibly nervous--remember, he was about to propose--and I wasn't incredibly sick. Yes, in case you didn't know, about two days before we went away for my birthday weekend/engagement weekend, I became sicker than I had been in YEARS. This greatly helped T because I wasn't alert enough to notice he was acting odd. Anyway, it was a lovely weekend--plus sneaky T had a dozen roses waiting for me in our room. He does like the flowers. AND he wrote me a little poem. For all of those people out there who say, "Well, wait ten years/twenty years. You won't get that stuff any more," please, please shut up. Let me enjoy my flowers and poem. I'll find out if you're right or not on my ownty-own.

We just had a nice dinner out and then a glorious breakfast, cooked by the owner of the B&B, who's also a friend of ours. It was a perfect little getaway, and Penny was extra glad to see us when we returned. Then the next night we went to women's roller derby, which is a ton of fun. The place is packed when they have their bouts (that's what they call the matches) and I have to say, as I posted on Facebook, there's just something about watching women on roller skates knock each other over that captivates me. Plus we got to cheer for our friend M, as it was her first bout. They all have derby names, like Ivanna Killem and Claire Violence, and they wear fishnets along with their uniforms. It's awesome. If you come to visit me, we'll go.

You know, I've had nice Valentine's Days and crummy ones and non-celebratory ones, and what it all comes down to is that you're with someone you love, no matter whether it's romantic or not. T and I did it up for this one, but we're pretty low-key and would have been happy with just a fire and the couch. For me, it's more the acknowledgment that I'm so fortunate to have those who love me that I can't even believe it, sometimes. I got a card from Mr. Ouiser thanking me for being such a good friend--I almost burst into tears, it was so sweet. My mom sends multiple cards. My dad always sends something from a "secret admirer". So I'm pretty lucky and I want to extend that love to YOU, folks. LOVE!

p.s. I also love the Olympics. And baking cheese bread. Recipe to follow--it is SO EASY.

Sundries on Sunday

I have a few ideas and thoughts that have been rattling around in my head, so here they are.

• Every morning I walk to school. It's a mercifully short walk; I never have to worry about traffic or the car not starting. In the winter I do have more likelihood of a broken ankle slipping on ice, but that's it. In those minutes that I walk to school, it's absolutely quiet and it's my time that I don't have to share with anyone. Depending on what time I get out the door, I either walk in the dark of the weak early morning light or I walk with the sunrise. I can listen to the wind, watch the light play on the snow, or just think my thoughts. I gather myself for the day and whatever it will bring.

• When T and I cook together, it's always such a pleasure. Even when he can't find the sugar when it's right in front of him, or I squirt ketchup all over the stove, myself, and his socks (as I did tonight), the meal is something we create together and take joy in. It's those small pleasures that make our life together as special as it is.

• Yesterday I had to go to an unexpected funeral. A friend of ours had a darkness in himself that he couldn't shake. The service allowed those who loved him to both mourn and celebrate his life in a way that I hadn't expected possible. It just makes me want to hold onto those I love even closer, and for any of my friends or people I know who hold a similar darkness inside yourselves, please know that I and others are closer than you may think.

• My sister's getting married in June. Recently she contacted me to ask if I would read at her wedding. We've drifted a lot in the past few years due to geography and life, nobody's fault, really. She asked me because she remembered how we loved books together when we were younger and we still do today. I'd forgotten that we had that tie. It just reminds me to reach out to those I care about--relationships take effort and care if you want them to continue and grow. So I want to make more effort with those who have become "Christmas card friends", if you know what I mean.

• Penny loves to look out the window. She especially likes to sit on the pillows of our bed and just watch the world go by. Saturday night I woke in the middle of the night to her having snuck up on those pillows, right above my head, and she sat there like a little canine sentry, watching over us. Even better, she fell asleep on the pillow and woke T up by licking his head. Pets make every day better, don't they?
  

• I know I've mentioned this before, but driving past the General Mills plant when they're making cereal still makes me smile.

Have a good Monday! I'm off to bed.

Taking Stock

I haven't even had time to read others' blogs, much less really post to my own. The time between Thanksgiving and Christmas for a teacher flies at breakneck pace, and I just finished up my last ever certification class, so that's one part off my plate. which is nice. Don't get me wrong; I love what I do, but I think when you mentally prepare for something that's coming, like a break, you get into a certain mindset that's hard to get out of. I've felt alternately Grinchy and supremely Christmassy at different times over the last few weeks.

Last weekend I went to a memorial service for a family friend who died of breast cancer. She was 41 and left behind a loving family, including her husband and four year-old twin boys. Wait, no. Don't get too sad. Yes, of COURSE it's tragic. But I went to her service and realized just how much she did with her life, every day, even though she knew it was limited. She fought her cancer for about seven years, if I remember correctly, and it even went into remission for a while. As her husband so eloquently said at the service, she faced each day as an exciting challenge and did so with a good deal of grace and optimism. She didn't ignore what was happening to her; she just didn't let it rule her life. Every time I saw Gyda, she had a smile on her face and she lit up a room; the number of people there to bear witness to her life demonstrated just how much she affected those she came into contact with. What touched me most was that her husband pointed out to his boys that all the people in that room loved Mommy and would help them remember and love her.

It just put a lot into perspective. I'm so grateful for what I have, grateful that we had to make room in the refrigerator last night for the food we'd just bought. I have so much that I try not to take for granted, although I have my moments, just as anyone does. It's funny that at the holidays, this time of "peace", I and others feel so frantic all the time. I haven't gotten my holiday cards out yet, and I have friends who made SURE they were there on my doorstep on December 1. I'm trying to keep a budget but not shortchange anyone. I don't know if it's consumerism that makes us all crazy because we buy into it (hah! I made a funny!) or what? The kitchen is a constant mess, along with other areas of the house. If I hear one more "news" story about Tiger Woods that doesn't involve his performance during a golf tournament, I will go completely insane. I feel that friends I attempt to make contact with don't return my phonecalls, and I wonder if it's that they're simply busy or it means we're slipping away from each other. I keep meaning to exercise but something always gets in the way, whether it's school or grading or grocery shopping or my own lack of motivation. The other night I was in a hideous mood for no reason I could put my finger on, my head full of doubts and negative thoughts.

I don't know where all of this is going. The two paragraphs seem to completely contradict each other. But I guess what I'm trying to express is that I think we all need to find our tiny moments of peace and serenity when and where we can get them, and we need to remember that what's important is how we live our day to day moments. At the end of your life, nobody cares if the kitchen was clean. So I leave you with something that the King of Consumers, Starbucks, put together. It's actually pretty fantastic, so enjoy. Enjoy each other.

This concerns me

I read an article yesterday in the NYT about Rihanna going back to Chris Brown and how a large number of teens out there think it's either her fault ("She must have provoked him") or that Brown shouldn't get in trouble because she took him back. The article also mentioned that a lot of Chris Brown fans can't get over the idea that the press is simply villfying him, and anyone who's done videos with Elmo could not do something like that. These adolsecents "see in absolutes", so it's either right or wrong. Plus the hip-hop culture sends messages that often have tones of misogeny and aggressive male behavior (and, I think, women as objects a lot of the time)--as the article reads, it's not to blame, but it doesn't help.

I get very frustrated when I hear of teens accepting violence as something that simply happens, something they have to accept, or something that they will do to another person just because "that's the way it is". I don't think we all should go running hand-in-hand through the flowers, but stories like this slay me. I realize--not firsthand, mercifully--that getting out of an abusive relationship is not easy, even when it's the obvious choice to the outsider. How do adolescents gain good ideas about how to treat each other with the role models they choose?

I didn't mean to sound down, but as the post says, this concerns me. A lot. I'd love to know your thoughts.

Something I feel strongly about

Sorry--it's been a crazy busy week and I will post all sorts of whimsical and amazing posts soon...or at least pictures of Penny because she turned 1 last weekend.

I just received this video from the Courage Campaign regarding Prop 8, and I can't stay quiet when bigotry threatens lives of others. If you don't feel the gay community has the right to marry, you don't want to watch this video. I warn you, supporters, that I needed a tissue about halfway through. Especially after listening to two of my GSA students talk about how their parents do not support their lifestyle, this sort of hatred and lack of understanding galls me. I hope Prop 8 stands, and I hope campaigns such as this one actually make something happen.



"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

So let's hear it for love, people! Go hug someone you care about!