Has anyone ever heard of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction contest? It's a contest to write the worst possible opening to a novel, based on the title above from Edward George Bulwer-Lytton's book Paul Clifford. They made books of the winners from the 80s and now a new one has come out. I've listed the site of the 2006 winners, although the actual site is www.bulwer-lytton.com. Some of these are HILARIOUS. Here's the winner:
"Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you've had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean."
Jim Guigli, Carmichael, CA