Shoes!

(<-- my shoes!) Not to stereotype, but this is an extremely female post, so if you're male (or female, I suppose) and care little about the quest for shoes, here's your chance to have an out. Tell you what--I'll read DH's Esquire magazine and comment on the article about Angelina Jolie. Actually, I enjoy reading that particular magazine--it's pretty savvy. Not that men are Neanderthals who love only sexy women--I happen to think Angelina's pretty hot myself. I just figure I'll offer equal time.

But! Anyway, yesterday I went shoe shopping. I even went to what I always call the godawful mall. I try to avoid that place at all costs because 1) I am a person who walks with a purpose. I do not amble; I am not an ambler. Thus, I cannot stand wending my way around people who take their time and walk four abreast so I can't get around them. It drives me bonkers. 2) those amblers are usually obnoxious teenagers, although the mall has put in a really lovely rule that if you're under sixteen, you can't be there without an adult. This sometimes helps. Buffalo has many lovely little shops right in town but this time I needed major retailers all in one spot. Sometimes there is a need for the big conglomerates

First I jumped on the Croc bandwagon; I admit, they are extremely comfortable summer shoes. I even found some for DH, and he's not an easy shoe size to find: Being very tall, he has shoes to match. And you know what big shoes mean...big feet. Get your heads out of the gutter, people.

Then I made the mistake of going to DSW with only a vague idea of what I wanted. I'll try to spare you the details, but picture me ambling (yes, I was ambling) through aisle after aisle looking for summer sandals but I wasn't sure what they looked like. Too high a heel, weird buckle, don't like the straps, too slutty, no way I'm paying $50 for those, just plain eww.... I didn't realize I'd been there so long until I finally came away with shoes (and of course, not even shoes I had planned to buy but useful comfy shoes made by Rocket Dogs--and I didn't have any idea that they were hip L.A. shoes at all. I never know that stuff.) and the one worker guy said at the checkout, "Oh, so you finally found something?" and I looked down at my watch and realized I'd been there for an hour!

But, as many of you know, for some reason, there is something about the hunt for a shoe. And the shoe creators know it--they make so many in all different styles! Heels, colors, shapes, materials, adornments, flats, wedges, sneakers, boots, laces, treads, aglets! I don't know if women have a certain chromosome for it or what, but a great number of women have a strange love for shoes. However, for those of us without disposable income, our other chromosome that never allows us to buy retail will occasionally combine with the shoe chromosome. This means that entering a shoe store and seeing a "50% off!" sign accelerates the heartbeat, dilates the pupils, and sets our focus on Finding the Ultimate Deal. Men do not understand this obsession with shoes. They would rather pull out nose hairs one at a time than shoe shop with any woman. I understand this fully and have told DH that he never, ever has to come with me when I'm on the prowl. Actually, I once saw some poor boyfriend sitting bereft on a bench while his girl looked at shoes, even going so far as to ask him if he liked them. Poor guy. As she blithely walked away, I went over to him and whispered, "She owes you so big for this." He came out of his stupor and gave me a huge, grateful smile, and I quickly walked away.

Today I am going to walk around in my new shoes! Whoo hoo!