So I've had a theme in my posts lately, and this one will follow that theme. I think it's because tomorrow is the first day of school and for the first time in a long while, I won't be part of it. No laying out that "first day of school" outfit the night before, getting my lunch ready, making sure I have my class lists and attendance book all set to go. That thrill of a new year, new possibilities in teaching.
But I'm not sad, not really. Well, I do feel a bit bittersweet. However, I have to say that when I watch the kids walk down the path to school and I get to do so in my pajamas while holding my son, who just rolled over for the first time today, I will feel lucky that I have this time, even if it means we're tightly budgeting and a wee bit scared for the future. Any extra minutes I get to spend with J, I consider a gift, something I wouldn't have if I still had a job. So there's not a thing wrong with that.
Plus job hunting has reminded me of my other interests and skills--I've widened my net for possible work environments, and it's caused me to re-examine other passions I hold. While I may not end up in a classroom setting, I can still find a way to use what I love about teaching--reaching out to others and helping them--in another arena. Who knows what the future may hold in that respect? I try to look at it as exciting rather than daunting, even in this hideous economy. Meantime, watching J smile at me and grow a little each day fills me with love and the desire to do all I can for him and our family.
So I look at September as a month of new possibilities anyway, just differently than I'd expected. And I look forward to each day.